The
O.C., episode 301 "The Aftermath" -
Airdate 9/8/05
For those of you with your head
in the sand asking, "The aftermath
of what?" let me explain:
Marissa shot Trey to defend Ryan,
who was defending Marissa who was
almost raped by Trey. Got that? Since
no one could swallow the fact that
a pretty little rich girl from the
O.C. shot someone, they figured she
must be covering for her wild boyfriend
with the heart of gold. But they
were wrong.
To make matters worse, Julie Cooper-Nichol
intimidated her way into the Nichol
wing of the hospital, where Trey
just happened to be locked in a high
security ward (albeit, one with no
police presence). Once she was alone
with the dastardly Trey, Julie threatened
to smother him with a pillow if he
didn't agree to say Ryan was the
one who shot him. With $20,000 thrown
in to sweeten the pot, the soulless
Trey agreed. To make a long (and
painful) story short, the truth was
eventually revealed, all charges
were dropped and Trey hopped a greyhound
to Vegas leaving the heartbroken
Ryan staring longingly at his brother
like a puppy in a storefront window.
There was, however, one interesting
development. In case you've forgotten,
Kirsten's love for liquor landed
her in rehab. There, in a revealing
group therapy session, she won the
attention of fellow patient Charlotte
Morgan, played by the stunning mascu-fem
Jeri Ryan.
With all of the lingering looks
and heartfelt words of wisdom flying
around, it's obvious that something
is brewing. After all, there's nothing
like isolation, shared trauma and
a penchant for cough syrup to kick-start
an affair. Who doesn't want to see
a pushy dyke play mind games with
a fragile alcoholic? This should
bode well for sweeps week.
Rest assured that another Sapphic
storyline depends heavily on the
Season 2 DVD sales. If extra copies
of the episodes featuring Alex's
and Marissa's lesbi-antics are snatched
up by the masses to hand out as Chrismukkah
gifts, we just might get a second
helping of gratuitous lesbian exploitation.
If not, Charlotte Morgan could become
the next villain to give Kirsten
a run for her money by stealing her
husband, job, friends or identity.
With this show, anything is possible.
Log onto http://www.fox.com/oc/home.htm for
more details.
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The
O.C., episode 16 "Blaze
of Glory" - Airdate
3/17/05
Did I say last week that the show
could only get better? Well, it
didn't. Alex says goodbye, Summer
kicks an asshat back to last year,
Ryan plays the nauseating hero,
Kirsten starts a revolution and
Marissa learns that you can't ride
two horses with one ass -- unless
of course, you're Julie Cooper.
Log onto http://www.fox.com/oc/home.htm for
more details.
Romper Room
Cohen, along with all the toys in
his playhouse, is determined to
get his friends back together.
Summer isn't the only one who's
lived through enough of this pain
and suffering.
Vaccinated
Too bad there's not a shot to cure
bi-curious girls who want to stick
it to their mothers instead of
their beautiful girlfriends.
The Italian Job
Sandy bought the rights to Julie's
porn video. How is Lance going
to explain that to his buddies
Neal and Bob?
Burning Ring of Fire
Wasn't the bonfire supposed to be
a pep rally? I didn't see Ryan
burning at the stake like Joan
of Arc while the cheer squad chanted
D-I-E; did you?
I'd Rather Be Drunk
Oh Carter, wouldn't we all?
I'm Gone
Just as I predicted, it's the end
of an era. No more moonlit walks
on the beach, no more lingering
looks across the crowded Bait Shop,
no more tender kisses in the kitchen
at dawn and no more rants about
this show. It's a shame Alex is
gone; I've fallen really hard for
that girl. At least she looked
amazing walking away.
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The
O.C., episode 15 "The Mallpisode" -
Airdate 3/10/05
If you missed last night's episode,
log onto http://www.fox.com/oc/home.htm so
the following crack-induced rant
makes some sort of sense.
What Happens In The Mall Stays
In The Mall
Pink Laundry: Going to Far
It's official, another episodic Sapphic
couple is circling the drain. First
Maggie and Binks, now Alex and
Marissa. How much more can a lesbo-lovin'
girl take? Maybe it's just me,
but I find it hard to believe that
anyone--gay or straight-- would
leave hot, porn-star wannabe Alex
for goofy Ryan with the bulbous
nose and floppy third-grade haircut.
Yes Julie, Alex DOES look different
in a wife-beater. Don't you remember?
You went there once too.
The Porn Identity
When Alex heads back to the Sunset
Strip to patch things up with Jody,
(which we all know is inevitable
now that lesbian sweeps week is
over) the only reason left to watch
what happens in Orange County is
Julie Cooper. Don't pay your "first"
the 500K honey; sell the tape online.
It did wonders for Paris. It will
be great PR for your rag-mag and
if you ask real nicely, maybe Alex
will slide out of those fabulous
pants and help you make another one.
The Ring
No, not the scary one that will kill
you if you see it; the plastic
one you'd kill someone else for
if they presented it to you in
a pink Easter egg. Yeah, I get
the sentiment but before you go
throwing quarters into the fun
house, check the drawers. Poor
Sandy. He should have just fucked
his ex… he's getting the attitude
for it anyway.
The Valley
Playing hockey in Sporting Goods,
experimenting with shimmer at the
make-up counter and crawling precariously
through air ducts. Hmmmm, do I
hear
"Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
playing in the background? I think
I saw the same scene in "Night
of the Comet." Yes, Summer and
Cohen are back. Back to their annoying
habits, that is.
Take two TUMS and tune in next week.
It can only get better.
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