In this episode the music improves (as does the view with the introduction of Helena), Tina gets man-handled, Kit goes on a quest, Bette has a hard time proving she's still sorry, Alice and Dana may have a love match, Shane cuts Jenny's hair instead of her throat and Carmen becomes community property. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Therapy
It's refreshing to know you can get more than advice for $250 an hour. Helena's exercising her demons. Now if she could just do something about those kids…

Foot Fetish
Alley cat, ferret, rabbit or tigress, you don't need a TOE seminar to figure out that Rock has had one too many pear polenta tarts.

Cotton Candy
Nothing like jealousy and a good carnival ride to stir up inertia.

Pussy Posse
K.D. Shane; tough, yet tender. Who knew she was such a giver? I'm not one to share my food but Shane's talking pot luck. I guess mojito is the new flavor of the month.

Munchers take Manhattan
Two martinis and a hottie will soothe the ego every time, and work wonders for patching up a relationship.

Wild Orchid
Is Tina finally sprouting a mind of her own? Sweet cheeks just found out the hard way that you never get something for nothing.

Sex, Lies and Videotape
Jenny finally wore Tim out, so let's throw a new straight boy into the mix. This is about as appealing as a tetanus shot.

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The L Word, episode 2:05 "Labyrinth" - Airdate 3/20/05

Helena snatches both the Peabody grant and Tina from Bette, after 9 1/2 weeks Dana and Alice experience culinary delights, Shane teaches Mark a thing or two, Kit's looking for love, and Carmen, like the rest of the world, still thinks Jenny's weird. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Brown Bungalo
I'm simply mad about the Maysles too, but Mark's proposed documentary is like Edith Bouvier Beale meets Barbarella. Surely he can read Lesbian Sex for Dummies and spare us all the details of his personal growth.

Monstrosity
Is my new favorite word for the gender confused, Peter Pan pixie, Jenny.

Finally
Dana and Alice. Enough said.

Cosmological Joke
Bette's so humble. Did she seriously believe Tina was eating herself to death because of low self esteem? And how long did Tina think she could hide that bowling ball under a pink pashmina? Thank god the cat's out of the bag. Now let's get the bun out of the oven and move on.

The Planet
At the bachelorette party the strippers weren't the only ones showing their asses. Those girls know how to deal some serious drama. I can hardly wait 6 more days to find out what happens next.

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The L Word, episode 2:06 "Lagrimas de Oro" - Airdate 3/27/05

Tina embraces freedom, Shane gets a special delivery, Jenny and Carmen become friends and Dana, Alice, Tonya, Helena and Kit all get what they want while Bette continues to be punished. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot
No, I'm not talking about Marcus Allenwood's sperm. Tina is turning the screws and starting to realize that she's been holding the cards all along.

What Is She Thinking
Mark hired a girl to seduce Shane and then filmed it? I'm not sure what Shane's thinking, but I'm thinking this storyline is out of control.

Exorcism
There were more than balls slammin and jammin at the Heineken tournament. I'm just glad we're relieved of the demonesque Tonya who's been rattling around in our attic for far too long.

The Ringmaster
Anytime Jenny is involved it's a circus. I was hoping she'd grow on me a little now that she looks like Bobby Brady. But so far, no such luck.

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The L Word, episode 2:07 "Luminous" - Airdate 4/02/05

Alice and Dana continue their sugary sweet love-fest, Tina gets caught with her pants down, Bette becomes prey, Carmen rides a merry-go-round and Shane turns into an Oxymoron. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Winnie and the Honey Pot
Sorry children, this is not the Christopher Robin version but your mummie did get her head stuck again. You could have played doctor with the speculum if your other mummie hadn't stopped in to ruin your special weekend. Oh bother!

The Gambler
Tina's still holding the cards, but she needs to know when to walk away and know when to run. She traded one type-A personality for another - with kids and an ex. Now even a desperate, broke, pregnant lesbian can do better than that, right?

USDA Prime
Bette's fresh meat all right, but she's no longer king of the jungle. If you can't beat um' or join um' you might as well buy their artwork.

The Simple Folk
I've been waiting for Carmen (or anyone for that matter) to slap the hell out of Jenny, but I never quite pictured it in a dysfunctional foreplay kind of way. Carmen is not going to sit around kissing Shane's ass forever and (thankfully) it doesn't look like she'll be kissing Jenny's either.

Day Job
Now that Jenny's been offered a job maybe we'll get a break from her psycho-psyche freak show and Sandra Bernhard will go back to slinging loose meat samiches at the Lanford Lunchbox. At least she was gay on Rosanne.

Betty Ford
If ever we needed another reminder to say no to drugs, this was it. No, not because a tweaked-out Shane got punched in the face by a random bouncer for no apparent reason, but because Mark had to come to her rescue. That's enough to put me in rehab.

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The L Word, episode 2:08 "Loyal" - Airdate 4/10/05

Helena plunders and pillages while Tina rubs salt into Bette's wounds, Mark becomes Shane's slave, the soup chef returns, Dana and Alice lose track of time, Jenny gets fired from a job she never had, Carmen remains confused and Bette realizes who her friends really are. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Babes in Toyland
Alice and Dana are ready to take their relationship to the next level. This should give Alice something new to exploit in her radio voice.

Judas
I thought Carmen came to her senses about Jenny last week but apparently she wants to use her to get close to Shane for just a bit longer.

Insight
Poor Shane; she lived in a church shelter as a kid, her mom was smoking crack instead of telling her bedtime stories and she has sex with EVERYONE now only because she feels obligated. We should all forgive Shane her trespasses because she had a fucked up childhood.

Ginkgo Biloba
Kit hired Lara Perkins as a chef at the Planet but acted like she didn't know her. Clearly she forgot about the time she watched Dana and Lara get it on in Tina's living room the night of the psychotic-girlfriend-of the-sperm-donor drama. Maybe there is a TOE seminar for memory loss.

Big Creepy Homophobe
Either that, or Burr Connor couldn't imagine spending more time with Jenny than he absolutely had to.

Character Development
Who knew Bette could eat crow? What happened to the feisty bitch who had the world by the balls? She's suddenly a sappy Sappho who is letting Tina and Helena walk all over her. Move on girl; now's your chance to date someone with a personality.

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The L Word, episode 2:09 "Late, Later, Latent" - Airdate 4/17/05

Bette and Tina get intimate, Shane and Carmen get real, Kit sees Ivan for what she really is, Jenny gets the shaft and Dana and Alice go looking for one. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Potty Party
I know I called Jenny a Pee-ter Pan pixie, but she took it to a whole new level. Carmen is still sexy even though she crossed the line on how well I needed to know her.

Facade
We're starting to see cracks in Shane's tough girl image; too bad she's taking all of her aggression out on Veronica Bloom.

The Jig Is Up
Mark was exposed and Jenny found out where she stands. Maybe it's just me, but I thought she figured that out two episodes ago.

Feelings
There's nothing like make-up sex between two people who really love each other; unless it's angry, controlling, raging hormone sex.

Toys R Us Kid
Dana gave Alice the gift that keeps on giving. I'm thankful for their comic relief from the black cloud of turmoil that this show is becoming.

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The L Word, episode 2:10 "Land Ahoy" - Airdate 4/24/05

Dana and Alice get "Lez Boat" fever, the Shane/Carmen/Jenny trifecta continues to both baffle and irritate, Bette and Kit deal with a daddy dilemma and Tina begins to see that the grass really isn't that much greener on the other side. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Musical Instruments
Something about the Cello always grossed me out. Now I know why.

Airport Security
It's nice to know we're all so much safer without those dangerous sex toys on flight.

Company loves Misery
Shane and Carmen had a chance to go on a cruise alone but convinced a whining Jenny to go along. Pouring over Jenny's Auschwitz project would have been more uplifting than spending a week with her.

Role Play
The best part about Dana and Alice's "Love Boat" reenactment was the TV trivia they played during sex; proving, once again, that lesbian sex is about so much more than the motion of the ocean.

50 First Dates
Tina wants to date Bette now? Come on; after 8 years it's all or nothing, and in this case I'd say Bette is better off with nothing. Let Helena pick up the pieces of Tina's disastrous life and let Bette ride off into the sunset looking fabulous.

Camera Shy
Mark finally got busted and Shane cried. There has to be more to this story. Tune in next week to find out just what the hell is going on.

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The L Word, episode 2:11 "Loud and Proud" - Airdate 5/01/05

Shane bares her soul, Mark bares his ass, Bette and Kit are raw with emotion, Tina plays both sides of the fence, Jenny has (is) a nightmare, Dana's brother has a surprise and Alice and Dana are all up in that "out and proud" thing for Pride. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Pride and Prejudice
Bette and Kit each experience a moment of truth with their father. There may be a cure for cancer, but there's still no pill for anger or bigotry.

Sugar and Spice
Dana and Alice contend with bikes, babes and a gay brother yet still manage to keep it romantic.

Clarity
Jenny finally gave Mark the "Lesbian Sex for Dummies" speech I was ranting about a few weeks ago but both he and Shane found that realness and truth often do come from the worst thing you've ever done.

Cloudy
Just when I thought someone was finally going to beat the hell out of Jenny, she breaks down in tears. Do we really have to learn more about her past? Is it necessary to play the "I-was-raped-that's-why-I'm-gay-card? Her tortured soul routine is on my last nerve.

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The L Word, episode 2:12 "L'Chaim" - Airdate 5/08/05

Bette bites off more than she can chew and Tina swoops in to wipe her mouth, Dana eats out while Alice struggles with a green-eyed monster, Shane and Carmen come to an understanding, Mark weasels his way back into the loop and Jenny loses her fucking mind. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Razors
Is what I wanted to swallow after watching this heart-wrenching episode. I hate seeing Bette cry. And I didn't really want to visualize Ossie Davis' passing but if I had to spend my last few hours looking at a photo of Tina, I might want to die too.

Celebration
Ok, so your dad falls down and you have to run next door to get help. After that, why not throw a party? You bring the liquid food and I'll supply the party favors.

Hey Jealousy
Why does dinner with an ex always lead to stalking and suffocation?

Peaches
I'm not sure why a chick with a beard has a name like Peaches or why Shane and Carmen thought it was the most amazing show ever, but hey; to each his own. As long as Shane was moved enough to ask Carmen out, it's ok in my book.

Very Sick Girl
Yeah, it's Jenny… again. When is someone going to punch her in that milky-white stomach?

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The L Word, episode 2:13 "Lacuna" - Airdate 5/15/05

Bette and "T" + baby make three, Alice and Dana fiend for their friendship, Shane whispers the L word and Jenny takes a bus ride to crazy. Log onto http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do for more details.

Petulant Child
It seems Helena can manipulate everyone but her mother… and Tina.

Memorial
I'm sure the service was just what Melvin would have wanted; a bunch of feminists sitting around talking about their predispositions.

Crazy on You
Alice has another jealous moment but with the way Dana's flirting with Lara who can blame her? These two are on a collision course. They're adorable but probably better off just being friends.

Tender
Shane finally took Carmen out on a respectable date. After a little role play and animalistic sex, Shane dropped the L-bomb. That was not "I love you" sex. That was "typical Shane" sex. I just don't see the chemistry between these characters (or actors) but since I love Carmen, I'm willing to look a little harder.

Tim was Lucky
The viewing audience, however, did not fare as well. We had to sit through another episode documenting Jenny's mental decline while Tim's off splashing with the captain of the swim team. Let's hope Jenny gets the help she needs and we no longer have to watch her wander aimlessly in that fur coat or tiara.

New Beginnings
Bette and Tina found their way back to each other just in time for the arrival of their baby. This gives me hope, and as much as I hate the name Angelica, it beats the hell out of Melvina.

Editor's Note:
I'm looking forward to a break from this catastrophic season. I'm not sure what happened to this brilliant, groundbreaking show but I hope that Eileen Chaiken and the writing team use this hiatus to think about what they've done.

Season One: The music was good, the storylines were interesting and meaningful, there was a beginning, an arc and a conclusion that left us all wanting more, and there was Marina.

Season Two: The creative direction took a wrong turn from the start. The theme song sent droves of lesbians everywhere into seizures and the fact that Showtime's now touting a season two soundtrack leads me to believe that someone's getting kickbacks from Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

Don't get me wrong; I like the L Word, I like the characters and I love the creators for having the courage and determination to bring a show like this to the masses, but I'm just not down with the tragic figures that the characters have become.

Note to the writers: please, please, pleeeeeaaaaaaaasssseeeeeeee stop turning these strong, beautiful women into disasters. You spent an entire first season building amazing characters only to retool them into weak, mentally unstable, cheating, jealous, smothering lunatics.

I understand these characters are not meant to be all-inclusive of women everywhere and simply represent a small slice of faux lesbian life in L.A. I also understand that they have to experience triumph, tragedy, trials and tribulations in order to make a storyline interesting, but that does not mean they have to be crucified. Enough of the "poor me, I had a twisted childhood" story that each character is lamenting about. No one in the world has a Leave-It-To-Beaver life… even the Beav grew up with an Oedipus complex and ate his worries away but you didn't catch him slashing himself on the bathroom floor. It's over the top and, quite frankly, it’s beginning to wear me out.

I'll forgive the writers this time; perhaps they've been working too hard trying to find a Marina replacement. Let's hope that after this nice little vacation they'll see the error of their ways and bring back a show that leaves us hungry for more instead of one that leaves such a distaste.

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