2005: Year in Review - 1/1/06

2005 has been quite a year. Gay marriages ran rampant and gay movies went mainstream. Television networks broke new ground and gay authors told their harrowing tales. Here’s to all things entertainment in 2005, and to our light shining even brighter in 2006.

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Kathy Griffin - 12/19/05

Laughter is the best medicine

There's nothing like a good belly laugh to make you forget your troubles - especially when it's at the expense of someone else. If Hollywood is like a high school filled with the beautiful and the popular, then comedienne Kathy Griffin is the geek on the yearbook staff who's documenting their every move. Griffin's been burning up the Bravo network with her reality series Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, a show that chronicles the ass kissing and humiliation required to earn a living in Hollywood. Her husband, parents, assistant and "best gays" are her supporting cast and laugh both with and at her if you can't join um'; beat um' antics. Griffin performed two comedy specials during My Life on the D-List's run; "Kathy Griffin Is...Not Nicole Kidman," and "The D-List." Check Bravo for airdates and details. For a devilishly good time, purchase her newest comedy special, Kathy Griffin - Allegedly, and watch her rant about her stint as a red carpet host at the VH1 Fashion Awards, her USO tour of Afghanistan and a slew of celebrities. Buy now.

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Sandra Bernhard - 12/19/05

The best revenge is living well

Sandra Bernhard, unlike Kathy Griffin, is not on the D-list. She's at least a B+, due in part to her infamous relationship with Madonna. Openly gay, Bernhard formed a questionable kinship with the Material Girl during the 90's that set tongues to wagging. When Bernhard made the mistake of bringing her then-girlfriend, club czar Ingrid Casares, to a birthday party at Madonna's house, rumor has it that she ended up giving more than just a birthday gift — Madonna took her girl. Considering Madonna knows no boundaries, that's not surprising. What is surprising, however, is that beneath her snarky demeanor and poisonous tongue, Bernhard is quite gracious. On the sudden demise of her friendship with the ambitious blonde, she'll say only that Madonna betrayed their friendship and claims that while Madonna adored her in public, she was not really interested in her well-being once the cameras were off. But fair-weather friends and impish star-fuckers aside, Bernhard is an often underestimated talent.

Over the past three decades, the prolific entertainer has toured extensively on and off Broadway with her one-woman stage shows, appeared on numerous television programs, including Rosanne (arguably the best sitcom of all time), starred in movies, authored books and recorded several albums. I recently caught her act before a Cyndi Lauper concert and was highly amused, extremely fascinated, strangely attracted, and a little in awe of her insightfulness, intelligence, comedic timing and ability to belt out a tune like a rock star.

Bernhard is performing two sets at Joe's Pub in Manhattan on New Year's Eve, and anyone with an ounce of common sense will be there to kick 2005 in the ass with a first class diva.

If you can't get to a live show; purchase her book, "May I Kiss You on the Lips, Miss Sandra?" or her DVDs, "Without You I'm Nothing" and "I'm Still Here… Damn It!" to get a glimpse of what's rattling around in the head of the saucy lady who could effortlessly beat out Madonna… if she really wanted to.

Visit Sandra Bernhard's official website www.sandrabernhard.com for additional information.

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Logo offers a tasty TV treat - 11/28/05

My stomach is growling. I'm always thirsting for a media milkshake and hankering to sink my teeth into the next big thing in television, film, music and print. So when my local cable company introduced here! - a channel, offering gay and lesbian movies and series on-demand - I tied on a bib, whipped out the antacid and prepared to sample every item on the buffet.

In one weekend I tore through the 12 movies listed on the menu. Some were sweet; some were sour. But like a bulimic, I shoved them all in even though I wasn't really hungry for the flavors being offered. The series were delicious, but just when I began to salivate for more episodes, they stopped airing them. I had to wait over a month for the next set to come my way, but by then I felt a little like a puppy waiting for a biscuit. And I'm nobody's pet.

Then came Logo.

Cablevision management must have had enough of my emails, sit-ins and hunger strike threats, because they gave in and added Logo to their Long Island line up. Logo offers more than 200 lesbian and gay films, an ongoing documentary series, newscasts tailored for a gay and lesbian audience and quality original shows and specials. And the best part is, since Logo is a sister company of MTV, it also offers the best in gay and lesbian music videos.

Logo is a digital channel that's available nationwide as long as your satellite or cable operator chooses to offer it. If providers across the country believe that enough gays and lesbians want Logo, they'll be sure give it - money's money. So ask for it by name. With Logo, you'll never go hungry for gay TV again.

For more information about Logo, visit www.logoonline.com.

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Gay Marriage: tying the knot or twisting in the wind? - 11/28/05

People are always asking me when I'm going to marry my partner. My answer is always the same; when it's legal. If I lived in the United Kingdom, I'd be calling the caterer and picking out flowers because gay civil partnerships become legal there on December 5. But I don't.

Sure, I can hop a plane to Canada, Spain, Belgium the Netherlands or the United Kingdom and tie the knot, but when I come back home to the good old U.S of A, my efforts would amount to nothing more than an extravagant vacation. Together, my partner and I have overcome family and health issues, built our careers and navigated a path in life side-by-side for better and for worse, for over a decade. Our relationship has stood the test of time while many of our straight friends are on their second and third marriages. When we finally say "I do," it will be a legal celebration of our life together, rather than the first step toward building it.

It's hard not to compare the gay movement to the civil rights movement, although many argue that it's hardly the same. I may not have been born African American, but I was born gay and the laws do discriminate against me because of it. I can't marry; I'm not entitled to a tax break; social security, healthcare benefits and life insurance are not guaranteed for my partner; and my will and medical power of attorney have to be in my pocket at all times so that if the need for urgent care arises, I can prove that my partner has the right to make basic healthcare decisions that are freely afforded to married couples.

While past presidents fought for freedom, our current leader whips the uneducated masses into a frenzy to justify his efforts to take freedoms away. What do you think our country would be like if, in 1954, the Supreme Court had ruled against Brown vs. the Board of Education instead of unanimously agreeing that segregation in public schools was unconstitutional?

President Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which prohibited discrimination of all kinds based on race, color, religion, or national origin. How long do you think it will be before a new president adds the words sexual orientation to that list?

The gay movement needs a Martin Luther King, Malcom X and Rosa Parks. We need to step up to the front of the bus and sit out-and-proud at food counters across the country. The only way we can get respect, is to respect ourselves. The first step toward doing that is to not settle for second best. We shouldn't be content to merely jump a broom in acknowledgement of our commitment to our partners. We need to fight for the right to live and love like every other American. Gays and lesbians pump millions of pink dollars into the economy each year, and we need to make sure we get our money's worth.

Five brave countries are leading the way to equality and, although it may be hard to see in the United States, the times are changing. When gay marriage is finally legal here, I'll be at the head of the line with my vows in hand. Until then, I'll continue to check the single box on my tax forms.

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Oprah: princess or queen? - 11/21/05

I heart Oprah. She's smart, successful, so vain that she probably thinks that song is about her, and looks better at 50 than she ever did in her youth. She single-handedly made reading cool again, and has legions of authors and publishers fingering her ego in hopes of reaching literary stardom with a plug from her book club. With her tell-it-like it-is politics and ability to grease the palms of Middle America with her favorite things, cars and cash, Oprah's propelled herself to the top of the popularity polls. But as much as she's to be admired, one has to wonder about that gay card she's been pulling out of her significantly smaller ass lately.

Let's start with the Martha-type magazine she lends her name to. She can thank queens nationwide for bumping up its circulation by requesting it while they sit in salons waiting for their wispy blonde highlights to activate. Oprah has also signed on as producer of the musical version of The Color Purple, and thrown her support behind rough-and-tumble foodie Rachel Ray; how gay is that?

And let's talk about Gayle - aka, Oprah's parasitic head. I have a best friend too. Two of them actually. And although I love spending time with them, I don't bring them to work or drag them along on romantic excursions with my partner. (And speaking of partners, I'm not even going to talk about the humiliatingly short leash she keeps Stedman on.) Yet wherever you see Oprah, you see Gayle. The Hermes incident; she was shopping with Gayle. The jaunt to Africa to find herself; Gayle pointed the way. The trip to survey the damage of Hurricane Katrina; Gayle was in tow. And when the camera pans out to the audience on any given episode of the Oprah show, you're bound to get a glimpse of Gayle sitting front and center.

Now, I'm not making any accusations about Oprah's sexuality. It's on record; she's straight. I got it. But she is exhibiting behavior that's raising a few perfectly arched eyebrows.

Have you ever noticed the way Oprah flirts with her female guests? Go back to your TiVo and watch the Oprah episode with Beyonce or Lisa Marie Presley and see for yourself. I have a crush on Lisa Marie and I think Oprah may too. During the interview Oprah played with Lisa Marie's hair and even tried to bond with her about how the press spreads rumors about them both. "They say I'm with Stedmond one day and that I ditched him the next," Oprah wickedly laughed.

Perhaps it's only my devious mind, but I could have sworn that what she was really hinting to Lisa Marie is that she's available. Oprah went on to say that she has a policy to never invite anyone on her show, but when she saw Lisa Marie on the cover of Vogue she simply had to write her a letter and ask her out - oops, I mean on.

It's Nielsen sweeps time again and we all know that any subject concerning gays or lesbians will send ratings through the roof. Apparently Americans hate gays and lesbians who want equal rights, want to get married or want to adopt, but love to see lesbians in porn videos, gay men giving straight men makeovers, straight women playing lesbians on TV and popular talk show hosts talking about them. But the topics of Oprah's shows as of late are questionable. She did a bra episode, ok? Can you imagine Geraldo doing a profile on the best fitting jock strap and getting all touchy-feely with his guests? Neither can I.

Then there was the famous episode about gay men on the down-low - those cowardly bastards who want to have their cake and eat it to - and just last week Oprah hosted a panel of gays and lesbians sharing their "when I knew I was gay" stories. Oprah was more than inquisitive with her guests, and I had to choke back the laughter when Oprah herself said that being married or having a heterosexual partner won't keep a person from being gay - as if she knew firsthand.

But like I said, I'm not making any accusations about Oprah's sexuality. It's on record; she's straight. I got it. All I'm saying is it's food for thought. I'll take it for what it is and chew on it a bit, but I'm not so sure I can swallow it.

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When I Knew - 11/18/05

Whether you got butterflies watching Jo and Blair share a touching moment on The Facts of Life, loved playing dress-up with your little sister, or designed prom dresses for all of the neighborhood girls, if you're a homosexual you most likely experienced a light bulb moment of discovery when you first thought, "Sweet mother of Jesus, I think I'm gay."

In his hilarious book, When I Knew, celebrity photographer Robert Trachtenberg compiles poignant stories from both the famous and the every day Joe about the first time they made the gay discovery. Also thrown in for flavor are tales about when parents and friends knew, as well as tragically funny coming-out stories.

Oprah recently profiled this book on her show so you know it will soon be flying off of the shelves faster than Tamiflu. Rush out to get your copy today and celebrate the moment when the puzzle pieces of life finally fall into place. Buy it now.

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Grey Gardens and The Color Purple head for the Great White Way - 11/14/05

Cats, raccoons, singing, dancing, marble fauns, staunch characters and finding that Libra man; Grey Gardens: The Musical (based on the 1976 documentary about the Beales) is just starting to get off the ground in New York, and is heading to Broadway.

Michael Greif (Rent) is slated to direct the Off-Broadway staging in February 2006. Rumors are that Mary Louise Wilson will star as Big Edie and Christine Ebersole will take on the role of Little Edie. Jennifer Laura Thompson (Urinetown, Wicked), Matt Cavenaugh (Urban Cowboy), John McMartin (Sweet Charity, Follies) and Bob Stillman (Dirty Blonde) are also said to be attached to the project. Full casting for 2006 has not yet been announced, and since the film revolves around the two women alone, I don't know who the hell the rest of these people are supposed to play but I certainly can't wait to find out. I'm simply mad about the Beales and will be absolutely pulverized if I don't wrangle a ticket to this one-of-a-kind show.

Previews begin February 3, 2006 at PH's Mainstage on West 42nd Street, NYC. The show is set to run February, 23 through March, 12, 2006.

And while we're on the subject of all things broad, let's talk about Oprah. She's the newest producer of the Broadway musical version of The Color Purple. Not to shabby for a girl who couldn't even get her name on the 1985 movie's promotional posters. Now that's what I call pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. And speaking of straps, I've always had my suspicions about Oprah and her friend Gayle, but that's another column entirely.

The Color Purple opens December 1 at the Broadway Theatre, 1681 Broadway and 53rd Street. For tickets and details, visit http://www.colorpurple.com/index.php.

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South of Nowhere - 12/12/05

Spencer and Ashley take the plunge

Last week on South of Nowhere, Spencer (Gabrielle Christian) and Ashley (Mandy Musgrave) skipped school and headed for the ocean. While they were strutting their amazing bikini-clad bodies - the kind that make you want to do tequila shots off of perfectly toned lower abdominal regions - Spencer came out to Ashley. Now Ash is a girl who loves to push buttons, so instead of making out with her friend in light of this revelation (which is what I would have done), she called a couple of beach boys over to rub her suntan lotion on - much to Spencer's chagrin.

You gotta love Ashley. Instead of talking to Spenser about their obviously mutual attraction, the hot little lesbohemian busted the let-me-do-something-stupid-and-see-if-I-get-a-reaction-out-of-you move. And it worked. Because it became quite apparent that Spencer was pissed off, and smitten.

Tune in on Friday to see the girls take this relationship to the next level. In the coming attractions for this week's episode, Ashley leans in for a kiss. I love this show. Love, love, love it. I'm so worried that my TiVo might malfunction or my VCR will detonate, that I've taken to hibernating at home on Friday nights to be sure I don't miss one moment of the prepubescent love fest. Check out South of Nowhere Friday's at 8:30 PM, EST on the N. You won't be sorry.

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South of Nowhere - 11/07/05

What do you get when you mix the L Word, Different Strokes and Beverly Hills 90210? You get The N channel's South of Nowhere, a half-hour drama series about three siblings struggling to adjust after their parents move them from Ohio to Los Angeles.

Spencer Carlin (Gabrielle Christian) is an all American, blue eyed, blond haired, apple-pie-eating, sixteen year-old girl who's trying to determine if her feelings for her new friend Ashley (Mandy Musgrave), a cute, tough-talking outsider with a storied past, are more than that of the friendship variety. Spencer's brother Glen (Chris B. Hunter) is a basketball champion whose dribbling skills threaten the current team's star. Her other brother, Clay (Danso Gordon), is adopted… and black. Now residing in L.A, he's forced to deal with racism that he's never experienced in small-town Ohio. (I know, I couldn't figure that one out either.) Their parents, Paula (Maeve Quinlan), an emergency room doctor and Arthur (Rob Moran), a social worker, are oblivious to what their kids are going through but seem more than willing to offer help, when asked.

If you're one of those people who hated high school, South of Nowhere will make you remember why. This show takes a realistic look at teenage confusion and peer pressure, and documents those baby steps we all take toward finding out who we really are.

Regardless of your age, it's hard not to be pulled into South of Nowhere's storylines, connect with the characters and revisit your past.

South of Nowhere airs on Fridays at 8:30pm EST on The N.

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Sheryl Swoopes - 10/31/05

Houston Comets forward Sheryl Swoopes, honored last month as the WNBA's Most Valuable Player, came out to ESPN Magazine last week and revealed that she lives with her partner, former Comets assistant coach, Alisa Scott.

Swoopes, who was married to her high school sweetheart and has an 8-year-old son, gave right-wing Christians fuel for their fire when she told the magazine that she does not believe she was born gay, and made a point to say that her 1999 divorce was not because of her sexuality. (I’m guessing it was because she’s unable to recognize a bouncing orange stereotype if it swooshed through a hoop and hit her in the face.)

She told ESPN, "Being gay has nothing to do with the three gold medals or the three MVPs or the four championships I've won. I'm still the same person. I'm Sheryl." (That’s right; humble Sheryl who was force-fed cups of GAYtorade and magically transformed into a lesbian overnight.) Note to Sheryl: straight girls usually don’t enjoy traipsing the country with other sweaty women to play schoolyard ballgames.

Maybe her decision to be forthright about her relationship has something to do with her bank account. Even though she’s represented Nike, Kelloggs, Hasbro, Wilson and Discover Card, she, like most female athletes, only makes a fraction of what her male counterparts earn. Just think of all the money she’ll now pocket for appearances at golf tournaments, softball games and Melissa Etheridge concerts. Olivia Cruises, quick to strike while the iron is hot, has already announced that Swoopes is their new talking head. It’s only a matter of time before she busts out the power tool endorsements and a new line of flannel apparel.

Don’t get me wrong, even though it’s about as surprising as falsies at a drag show, I appreciate Swoopes’ decision to come out, and I hope that her story helps millions of other confused young butches realize that it’s ok to be gay... even if they foolishly claim they weren’t born that way.

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Noah's Arc - 10/23/05

I'm starting to think that the apocalypse is near. Tsunamis, earthquakes, wildfires and hurricanes are all the rage. It's been raining for 40 days and 40 nights on the Eastern Seaboard, and I'm pretty sure that hell has frozen over because a new show about being both black and gay (gasp!) debuted on Logo last week.

Noah's Arc follows the trials and tribulations of four black, gay men in Los Angeles, as they maneuver through personal and professional obstacles with two glaring red state-republican strikes against them.

Noah (Darryl Stephens), is a struggling screenwriter who's starting a relationship with a newly out man; Alex (Rodney Chester), is an HIV treatment/prevention counselor and the show's resident diva; Ricky (Christian Vincent), is a trendy Melrose boutique owner who's always on the hunt for his next conquest; and Chance (Douglas Spearman), is a straight-laced economics professor who just moved in with his boyfriend, Eddie (Jonathan Julian) and Eddie's daughter (Jurnee Johnson).

If you're someone who likes to compare apples to apples— or in this case penguins to penguins or giraffes to giraffes— Noah's Arc has been labeled "the new Sex and the City," and the "gay LWord," which roughly translates to, "a show with a plot, decent writing and well-defined characters."

This diverse look at gay life is a refreshing break from the cranked up, sex-and-drugs version that Queer as Folk pumped into the veins of viewers for the last five years. File in two-by-two, strap on your life jacket and embrace the journey to the new world. Noah's Arc airs Wednesday nights on Logo.

Visit http://www.logoonline.com/shows/dyn/noahs_arc/series.jhtml for more information.

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Out of Practice - 10/17/05

Practice makes perfect

At the Television Critics Association press tour this past July, actress Paula Marshall talked about her upcoming role as a lesbian on the CBS sitcom Out of Practice, saying "I've never been a lesbian before, so I'm really excited about that. (I guess she forgot about her little stint with Gina Gershon on the short-lived David E. Kelley show, Snoops, but I didn't.)

Out of Practice is a comedy about a family of doctors who are good at dealing with patients, but not each other. The family consists of Ben (Christopher Gorham), a granola munching couples counselor who is not considered a "real" doctor by the rest of the family; his brother Oliver (Ty Burrell), a plastic surgeon who is obsessed with beauty - that of himself and the women he dates; and sister Regina (Marshall), a womanizing lipstick lesbian who is a doctor in the ER. Their parents, Stewart (Henry Winkler), a gastroenterologist, and Lydia, (Stockard Channing), a cardiologist, are going through messy divorce, and Stewart is dating his assistant Crystal (Jennifer Tilly), who is a patient of Oliver's. Got all that?

When Out of Practice aired last month I had high hopes. Lesbians, Channing and Tilly, oh my! While the first few episodes left me less than spellbound, I tried to keep in mind that it takes time to set up a premise, introduce characters, and establish a storyline. So I gave the show another chance. And it's a good thing I did because the latest episodes of Out of Practice contain witty dialogue and laugh-out-loud lines - especially those involving the Sapphic sister.

In any event, I hope Marshall is finding this lesbian role both memorable and enjoyable. I know I am.

Out of Practice airs Mondays at 9:30 PM, EST on CBS.

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Melissa Etheridge - 10/11/05

Etheridge to star in her own show

A sitcom staring Melissa Etheridge as a gay music teacher is in the works for next season. On the still untitled show, her character moves in with a straight, male friend to jointly raise the daughter of another friend. (Kind of like Will and Grace… and Jack.) Etheridge describes it as what "my life might have been like had I not left to find my fame and fortune, stayed in Kansas, became a teacher, been gay and dealt with life there." Uh, ok.

In addition to this sitcom, Etheridge has signed on to play a transgender man in the upcoming film Southern Comfort, based on the award-winning HBO documentary of the same name.

Buy her new CD now!

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New Capote Book - 10/03/05

More Capote: because timing is everything.

In the wake of the new film Capote, which opened to stellar reviews, Random House plans to publish an early, unreleased Truman Capote novel next month entitled, Summer Crossing. The story, about the adventures of a New York socialite, was drafted in 1943 but supposedly destroyed.

The missing manuscript was found last year in a pile of Capote's possessions held by a relative of the author's former house sitter. Capote, who died in 1984, had hired the sitter to look after his Brooklyn apartment while was away writing In Cold Blood. Any writer will tell you that it's easiest to write about what you know, and since Capote was the reigning queen of the NY social scene, Summer Crossing should be quite a read.

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Truman Capote - 9/27/05

Truman Capote: facing the lows of high society

Truman Capote was a brilliant writer, (Other Voices, Other Rooms, Breakfast at Tiffany's, In Cold Blood) but he was also a gay pioneer. In a time when homosexuality in America was viewed as a disgusting disgrace - more so than it is today in the era of Bush- Truman was demonstratively and unapologetically gay. His quirky mannerisms, distinctive voice and raucous wit made for an intriguing character, and quickly earned him a place in the New York high society set. While primarily known as the inventor of the non-fiction novel, his other notable creation was the Black and White ball, which he debuted in 1966 at the Plaza Hotel in New York City.

Capote was a nasty little gossip who made it his business to know everything about everyone. Since it's impossible to resist a good rumor, he became a staple at dinner parties where he would often recite his tall tales. Capote wasn't one to let the truth get in the way of a good story and often peppered his with embellishments to get back at those who had pissed him off. Case in point:

On Halloween morning in 1955, socialite Ann Woodward shot and killed her husband, Billy, in their home in Oyster Bay, Long Island, claiming that she had mistaken him for a prowler. Although she was eventually acquitted by a grand jury, New York society was convinced that she had purposely murdered Billy and that her mother-in-law, Elsie Woodward, had covered up the crime to prevent further scandal to the socially prominent family.

Although Capote and Woodward never met, they traveled in the same circle. Reportedly, at a bar in Biarritz, someone pointed over Woodward's shoulder and said "There's Truman Capote." To which she replied, "Where's that little faggot?" Unfortunately, Capote was standing right behind her. The next evening he toasted her from the bar, cocked his thumb and forefinger, pointed at her and mouthed the words "bang-bang." From then on, Capote went after Woodward with full force, grasping at any sliver of incriminating information he could get his hands on.

In 1975 Capote penned Answered Prayers, a compilation of malicious, thinly veiled short stories about the lives of his famous acquaintances. He sold an excerpt to Esquire magazine, which included a story about Woodward. But in Capote's version, she was a gold digging prostitute who was guilty of murder. On the eve of the magazine's publication, Ann Woodward killed herself in her Park Avenue home by swallowing a cyanide tablet.

Although no one cared for Woodward (since she came from blue collar Kansas and married into one of the most powerful New York families) they did care about the reputation of the Woodward family, as well as their own social standing. When the book was published, many society figures recognized themselves in the stories, felt betrayed, turned their backs on Capote and closed the door on his inside scoop. The public shunning and humiliation lead Capote into a downward spiral of substance abuse. As we all know, nothing will do a queen in faster than becoming a social pariah -especially one who propels himself by stepping on the misfortune of others.

Read all about the trials and tribulations of Truman Capote and Ann Woodward by clicking here. Capote, the film, opens in select theatres on September 30.

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All My Children - 12/12/05

Bianca comes home for the holidays.

Bianca Montgomery (Eden Riegel) pays a visit to Pine Valley this month - without her special friend, Maggie (Elizabeth Hendrickson). I was elated earlier this year when Bianca's plane departed for Paris and cutie-pie Maggie threw caution to the wind and hopped aboard. I was soon deflated however, when I realized that the folks at AMC were giving themselves enough slack to hang with by leaving the nature of their relationship open for interpretation. Word on the street is that although Bianca's returning alone, she may be bringing news of a romance in Paris. Tentative airdates are December 16 through January 10.

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All My Children - Daytime soaps play dirty for fans - 10/03/05

Ever since All My Children's Sapphic sweeties Bianca and Maggie moved to Paris to munch baguettes under the Eiffel Tower, the show got ridiculously boring. But Passions, a show that raises the ridiculous lever to red on a daily basis, snatched up the well-worn ball AMC kicked down the street and developed their own lesbian storyline, taking with them a chunk of AMC's fan base.

In an effort to lasso the lesbifans back from Passions, AMC is bringing a little girl-on-girl action to Pine Valley this week -in a Three's Company kind of way.

Kendall and Greenlee have been spending a lot of time together, which for Erica translates into "they are sleeping together." Why not, right? I mean, I'm a lesbian, you're a lesbian, we're ALL lesbians!

When Kendall gets wind of her momma's harebrained notion she decides to vamp it up a bit to teach her a lesson. Naturally, this storyline isn't going anywhere and is a cheap ploy to get a few more viewers. But what can I tell you; I have no TV integrity and am easily swayed. I'll be sitting on the edge of my seat watching the two hotties pretend to take a walk on the wild side for as long as they'll let me. All My Children airs weekdays at 1:00 PM (ET) on ABC and at 8:00 PM (ET) on SoapNet.

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Hurricane Katrina - 9/06/05

I once knew a girl named Katrina. She was beautiful but a bit obnoxious; much like this storm. Hurricane Katrina can't be blamed for barreling though the horizon and ripping apart the coastline. That's what hurricanes do. It's not her fault that there were cities and states in her way; or that people, pregnant with poverty, were unable to load their SUV's with horded rations and dollar bills they had stashed away in private vaults. She can't be blamed for the fact that the levee didn't hold, or that most of the money granted for its repair was sent to fund a futile war. It's not Katrina's fault that the Gulf Coast wasn't evacuated once we realized that her fury would wash it away and drown the dreams of millions of Americans.

Mother Nature brings out the worst in human nature because those with nothing have nothing to lose. The rush of a wave reduced Americans to third world dog-eat-dog survival tactics. In the country that runs to the aid of others overnight, its own citizens languished for four days with no help and no hope. They watched neighbors die; they saw bodies floating in the muck; they heard their babies weep; and they felt their spirits wither. Katrina can't be blamed for that. But now is really not the time to place blame at all. Accountability will come later. Today, let's ban together and help heal our nation. Wake up. Pay attention to the debauchery in our government. Do something about it. And please, please donate.

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Six Feet Under - 8/22/05

Six Feet Under 2001-2005: The death of a show; the birth of a revelation.

Who says television isn't educational? Long before the Soprano's shot their way to fame and Carrie and the gang lugged their sex lives into our living rooms; before Queer as Folk punched us in the solar plexus with sexuality and the L Word put a Noxzema-scrubbed face on lesbianism, there was a simpler, more genteel time in television. And I, being introverted and antisocial, learned my life lessons from TV
characters; belly up to the Sony, Swanson's Salisbury steak dinner on my
lap.

Jan Brady taught me that lemon juice was a surefire cure for freckles, but not necessarily insecurity. The ladies of the Townsend Detective Agency showed me that three little girls could go to the Police Academy, be assigned very hazardous duties, kick some ass and look good doing it. J.J. Evans taught me that living in the projects could be DYNOMITE, and I learned that Willis didn't always know what he was talkin' bout.

When cable television cracked my world open like a giant Technicolor egg, I went completely catatonic. I'd sit in a trance for hours while my brain was rewired with phrases like "I want my MTV" and "it's not just TV, it's HBO." It was during cable's infancy that I realized video did indeed kill the radio star; and that I couldn't get enough of watching the same 5 movies again and again on pay TV. Each of these were lessons I took with me on my journey to cinematic enlightenment and, as educational as they were, none of them shook me to the core or touched me as profoundly as Six Feet Under.

This show kept me awake at night thinking about my life. Each day is a day I'll never get back. What have I done? What will I do? What is my purpose? These are haunting questions that we each ask ourselves, and Alan Ball and the creative team on Six Feet Under answered them for the characters with beauty and grace. The series finale left me wondering if we're all waiting to die and if those who've passed on before us are really waiting for us on the other side. I can't say that I'm in a hurry to find out, but it eases my mind to know that I'll someday have the answers.

Six Feet Under merely pointed out the obvious; that each of us - black, white, gay, straight, young and old - are in an ecotone; a purgatory; a transition between life and death. It's in those defining moments - times of disparity and pain, happiness and sorrow, lightness and dark - that we truly find ourselves. We're all barreling full speed towards the end so we might as well LIVE our lives while we can. No compromises. No excuses. No apologies.

Six Feet Under was brilliant. May it rest in peace.

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Passions - 9/6/05

Last week on Passions: Simone wrangled an overnight invitation from her new friend Rae after lamenting about how bad her family makes her feel. Imagine my surprise when Rae suddenly disrobed, hopped into bed with Simone and gave her a juicy kiss. Now that's what I call comforting a friend! Passions did in a day what All My Children was unable to do in two years. Now if they could work on the writing, acting and timing, they might actually be on to something.

Check out Passions on NBC, weekdays at 2:00 pm, EST.

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Passions - 8/30/05

Passions Update

Simone's love interest moves to Harmony on the 8/31/05 episode, and the cat is let out of the bag. Check back next week for details.

Watch the ridiculousness unfold on NBC, weekdays at 2:00 pm, EST.

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Passions - 7/18/05

Passions gets passionate… or does it?

Following the lead of the successful daytime drama All My Children, the NBC soap Passions is slated to break new ground later this summer when it features the first African American lesbian/bisexual woman on American daytime TV.

The woman in question is 22-year-old Simone (Cathy Janeen Doe), the daughter of athletic coach TC (Rodney Van Johnson), and Dr. Eve Russell (Tracey Ross), and the sister of prominent character Whitney (Brook Kerr).

Although Simone has previously only dated men, sources close to the show say that she will become involved in a relationship with a new female character, Rae, in an upcoming episode. Simone thinks it's true love and excitedly comes out to her disapproving parents, only to discover to her dismay that Rae just wants to keep it casual. Yep, once again, following the lead of All My Children.

Since this show has a younger (and more liberal) audience, let's hope that the lesbo ladies can share more than a peck and finally give the viewing audience the carrot that AMC dangled in our faces for years.

Check out Passions on NBC, weekdays at 2:00 pm, EST.

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Grey Gardens - 6/23/05

Grey Gardens may finally get its moment in the sun.

Back in the 90's I stumbled upon a small black and white photo of a rambling East Hampton estate in a Long Island, NY newspaper. I was immediately fascinated by its name - Grey Gardens - for two reasons: 1; because I hail from a suburb of tract houses where mansions with names don't exist and 2; because I thought if people could afford to live in a sprawling estate on the ocean, their lives would be anything but Grey.

That photo was a catalyst for my fascination with Long Island's Gold Coast mansions, old money, socialites, Dominick Dunne, Ann and Billy Woodward, the Vanderbilt's, the Whitney's and the Phipps', and eventually led to a job at Old Westbury Gardens where I got a firsthand glimpse of life behind the privet.

When something piques my interest I get totally addicted and, like a dog to its own vomit, can't quit until I've consumed it all. But now that I've had my fill, I understand that an extra large bank account comes with super-sized problems and insecurities. Nonetheless, I love the quirks that sit on top of the rich-and-privileged-sundae like dollops of cream, and Albert and David Maysles whip them up beautifully in their documentary about the Beales; Grey Gardens.

I've been praising this film for years and finally Hollywood is starting to take notice.

This little item comes from Page Six of the June 23rd New York Post:

RENÉE Zellweger is frantic to star in the story of Edith Bouvier Beale and her daughter Edie, who lived in splendid squalor in the once grand East Hampton family estate known as Grey Gardens. Beale was the sister of "Black Jack" Bouvier, the father of Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Zellweger recently caught a screening of "The Ghost of Grey Gardens," a new documentary by Liliana Greenfield-Sanders, based on a famed 1975 documentary by filmmakers Albert and David Maysles. According to Beverly Hills 213 Magazine, Zellweger "has gotten her hands on 100 reels of unseen footage that was shot in the making of the 1975 'Grey Gardens.' " The Oscar winner clearly has a lead on others interested in the role of Edie - Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman. Zellweger has visited Grey Gardens, which was infested with cats and fleas in the Beales' day but lovingly refurbished by its current owners, former Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee and wife Sally Quinn. The spread was recently featured in House & Garden.

What can I say other than I told you so? I will, however, be picketing in front of Paramount Studios with dynamite strapped to my back if Renee Zellweger is cast in the new film. How about Gena Rowlands as Big Edie and Diane Lane as Little Edie? Renee did not have me at hello. Sorry.

Read more about Grey Gardens here, or better yet, buy it today and form your own opinion.

To lean about what happened to the Beales after their 15 minutes of fame: visit http://www.obitpage.com/obits/b/beale_edith.html, and try not to cry like I did.

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American Idol proves dreams really do come true - 5/26/05

I love it when I’m right (which you’re probably starting to realize is most of the time). Let’s hear it for Carrie, our new American Idol! There wasn’t a doubt in mind that the country crooner would win. If the red states were willing to vote Bush into office, surely they would elect the sugary sweet girl next door as the voice of America’s youth.

Let’s face it; we’re entitled to a break after last season’s idol, Fantasia, and her “Baby Momma” routine. Bo is a performer, I’ll give him that. But he’s in serious need of dental work and a hot oil treatment. Carrie was a shoo-in from day one but don’t let her innocent routine fool you. I saw how she worked those tears for a final vote. She’s got the devil in her and with any luck, Hollywood will bring it out.

Flash forward to May 2006: Carrie’s hanging with the Olsen twins in NYC, is a red-string-wearing Scientologist, dumps Wilmer Valderrama for the newly divorced Nick Lachey and scores the lead in the movie adaptation of Green Acres.

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Straight Up - 5/05/05

Poor Paula Abdul. I actually feel sorry for her. I mean, we all know she crossed the line by helping that ghetto Corey Clark kid out; buying him clothes, getting his hair cut, helping him with song selections, etc. She probablly did have an "inappropriate sexual relationship" with him - a girl has needs. And as trashy as the little hoodlum is, Paula was a suductress in charge, which is way cooler than being on the losing end of the dating pole that's been up her ass lately.

But I digress. What I'm trying to say is yes, she probably did give Corey extra attention but so-the-fuck what; you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.

Did Corey Clark really take a spot in the AI top 32 that should have gone to someone else? I doubt it. There were only about 14 good singers in the crowd to begin with. Corey was eventually kicked off the show for his street-fighting, punk-thug ways and I guess Paula had enough of his jambalaya and dropped him like a screaming child.

Flash forward to today: Corey has a record out (which proves he got something more than her ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...ba-ba-ba-ba-ba) and is shopping a tell-all book. Since he can't generate publicity on his own merit, he's trying to ride Paula's silk coattails. After all she did for him he repays her by running his mouth all over town; a true mark of a classy guy.

I know what you're thinking and you're right - If Simon or Randy pulled a stunt like this they'd be fired faster than you can say FOX. I'd be more than surprised if Paula is around next season... but come on, what would AI be like without her groggy copy-cat comments to the contestants, her touchdown moments or her sexy little smile?

Clearly Paula's back pain and multiple surgeries clouded her judgement but if she learned anything from this debacle, it's to stay away from those nasty little wannabes. If you're going to fish in the backyard pond at least have the foresight to cover your tracks.

Desperate Housewives - 4/17/05

This show seems to be sweeping the nation but I can't say it's one of my favorites. Although it has some black comedy moments, it's mostly a poorly-acted Soap Opera rip-off of American Beauty and Six Feet Under.

I'm glad to see ABC jumped on the gay bandwagon with the Van De Camp boy. It's just what the network needed to deflect attention from the real-life lesbianics of Marcia Cross. You gotta love the maybe-I-am-maybe-I'm-not mystery she's got going on. And, I'm a sucker for her Belinda Carlisle, Clairol Tangerine #40 coif.

As for Terri Hatcher, she's acting pretty diva-esque for someone whose claim to fame is Lois Lane. Let’s not forget the antics of the original Lois Lane, Margot Kidder, who was found wandering around LA with no teeth rambling incoherently in a drug induced stupor. (Ok, she said it was a diabetic sugar shock, but still.) All I'm saying is let's not get too ahead of ourselves here Ter.

Nicolette Sheridan's character Edie Britt is an embarrassment. She’s parading around like Britney Spears (pre-bun in the oven) but she’s pushing 50. Edie’s bitchy so I give her props for that. As for Nicolette, life is totally imitating art.

I L-O-V-E Felicity Huffman. Lynette Scavo brings a ray of light to a cloudy Wisteria Lane. If Felicity can keep a marriage to William H. Macy alive (and endure a name like Felicity), she can keep the show afloat.

What can I say about Eva Longoria as Gabrielle Solis? She’s a second rate, less attractive version of The LWord's Sarah Shahi.

All in all, it’s a show to watch during commercial breaks of Hunter reruns on Nick at Night, but I wouldn’t devote an hour to it. However, I could be persuaded to change my mind - especially now that the soundtrack is improving with the addition of Lisa Marie Presley’s cover of “Dirty Laundry.” Like the wise Bobby Brown once said, (before the dope sick love) “it’s my prerogative.”

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Amazing Race - 4/15/05

Kudo's to CBS for having gay couples in their shows - where being gay is not the primary issue. Asside from what Bush and his disciples may think, being gay is NOT all we are!

Lynn and Alex are totally hilarious, and are the only couple who seem to be enjoying themselves on their trip around the world. They want to win the million bucks, but realize that being on the race is the best part of the prize.

When fellow contestants, Brian and Greg crashed their Jeep, Lynn and Alex stopped to help allowing others in the race (namely the heartless Rob and Amber from Survivor) to gain the lead. At that point, Lynn and Alex - BEING HUMAN BEINGS - didn't care about the race, they cared about the people.

Lynn & Alex are a gay couple from West Hollywood, California who both work as executive assistants. With their four-year anniversary on the horizon, they signed up for the Race as a means to test the strength of their relationship.

Lynn is well-traveled and lived abroad in Germany before settling down in Los Angeles. He and Alex met at a club four years ago (who says you can't meet a decent guy in a back room?) and have been together ever since. An additional motivation for Lynn’s participation in the Race is to possibly get married in Amsterdam. (Nothing like leaving the land of the free in order to actually BE free like eveyone else.)

I hope they kick-ass. And even if they lose the race, they're winners in my book.

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